Technique no. 2 The Big secret of dealing with People
The book said that there is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it.
Remember : there is no other way.
Of course, you can make someone want to give you his watch by sticking a revolver in his ribs. You can make your employees give you cooperation -- until you back is turned -- by threatening to fire them. You can make a child do what you want it to do by a whip or a threat. But these crude menthods have sharply undesirable repercussions.
The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want.
What do you want?
As Sigmund Freud said that everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great. I'll repeat. 1. sex urge and 2. desire to be great
Another insight from John Dewey, America's profound philosophers, phased it a bit differently. He said that the deepest urge in human nature is " the desire to be important ", oopps, remember? " the desire to be important ".
Now, what do you want?
Not many things, but the few things that you do wish, you crave with an insistence that will not be denied. Some of the things most people want include :
1. Health and preservation of life
4. Money and the things money will buy
5. LIfe in the hereafter
6. Sexual gratification
7. The well-being of our children
8. A feeling of importance
Almost all these wants are usually gratified - all except one. But there is one longing-almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep-which is seldom gratified. It is what Freud calls "the desire to be great" and Dewey calls the "desire to be important".
Everybody likes a compliment, the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
A gnawing and unfaltering human hunger and the rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand and even the undertaker will be sorry when he dies.
It was the desire for a feeling of importance that led an uneducated, poverty-stricken clerk to study law books he found in the bottom of a barrel of household.
It was the desire that makes you want to wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars, and talk about you brilliant children.
It is this desire that lures many boys and girls into joining gangs and engaging in criminal activities.
If you tell how you get your feeling of importance, that determines your character.That is the most significant thing about you.
So how can we give that importance to other people?
Simply by appreciating every little thing they do, not just flattery but sincere and honest appreciation. One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation.Honest appreciation got results where criticism and ridicule failed.
Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called for. Take a look at this words by Emerson, he said, "Every man i meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn from Him" Let's cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let's try to figure out the other person's good points.Then forget flattery. Give honest and sincere appreciation. Be " hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise" and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime, repeat for years after you have forgotten them.
Principle no.2 - Give honest and sincere appreciation