Sunday, November 15, 2009
Recently, I have noticed that quite some people are in a relationship with a partner who's already having a child from a previous relationship. I've never thought that it would happen so much, but it's absolutely a normal phenomenon these days.Coming from divorced parents myself, it's a bit strange, that I feel that it's something big, having a relationship with someone who's already got a child. I can only imagine how hard it must be, dealing with step-children. Although they're not necessary difficult, there's usually jealousy involved. Who loves who more? Why is she getting gifts? Why do they get more time?
My parents have been seperated for a long long time. It's hard to explain, but I don't mind that fact. Nor does my brother. We just don't have a band with my father, as he's been in L.A. for a great part of our life. My mom has had a few other relationships after that, but there was never trouble involving my brother and I, being the step-children. The other way around, both of us never rebelled against any of my mom's boyfriends. They were always welcome. Kinda...
Being totally honest, I don't think my brother and I cared about that. This sounds weird, right? I've never ever felt something for any of my mom's boyfriend. No negative feelings, but no positive feelings either. It's not like I've ever felt that a certain man was supposed to be my step-father. I just had no feelings or what so ever for those persons. So, I never rebelled, but I was never thrilled about someone either. I can't explain why.
I think it's really hard to judge anyone in these situations. I totally understand it, when step-children would rebel. Who's that new person, intruding our life? What does he/she want? Does he/she want to take our father/mother's place? Who does mom/dad love more? We didn't ask for this?
On the other hand, I can understand the jealous and scared feelings of the step-parent as well. Are those children nice? Why does he/she spend more time with them? Who does he/she love more? Will they accept me? Will they ever respect me? I didn't ask for this?
Though I'm the "step-kid", I'm very happy I'm currently not in a relationship like that. I think these relationships need a lot of time, patience and understanding from both sides. Years can go by, before everything will be in it's place. Sometimes years are not even enough....
How do you feel about this?
Are you maybe a step-kid or a step-parent?
ps: this is meant to be a thought prevoking post, not a depressing one. In case you thought that... *SMILE*
Hi there, you may have no feelings of approval or disapproval towards your mom's boyfriend perhaps because you are trying to put a shield to protect you. It's very difficult on your part to welcome them with open arms knowing that one day perhaps they would just eventually leave. Setting boundaries beforehand is understandable. For some, it is to prevent some kind of emotional attachment.
ReplyDeleteI have a dear friend who is a step kid